It can be difficult to start the message at such times. There is no need for a long or special formulation: "I am very sorry. I am thinking of you" can also express what you want. Choose from the templates below the one that fits your relationship.
Start with what you can sincerely say
For example, you can write this to a distant acquaintance:
My sincere condolences. I am thinking of you.
If you also know the family, you can add: "I am thinking of you and your family." The sentence is complete even without an emoji.
For a closer person:
I am very sorry. I am here if you want to talk. You don't have to reply now.
Offer a presence that you can also keep. Do not immediately send another question because of the lack of a reply.
Do not supplement the news with assumed details. If you do not know the circumstances, there is no need for guessing in condolences. Especially under a social post, pay attention to staying within the framework of the information published by the family.
When does a candle or heart fit in?
If emoji use is natural in your relationship, a restrained symbol can supplement the sentence. If you have corresponded formally so far, you can choose a purely textual expression of condolences. Do not measure the strength of empathy by the size or quantity of the symbol.
For example, 🙏 may evoke different intentions in the reader. If you want to refer to prayer or religious content, consider whether you know the recipient's relationship to this. If you simply want to express support, you can also describe it with a direct sentence.
A short reaction given under a public condolence post and a personal condolence message are different situations. Choose your next step based on your relationship. The number of hearts sent or received does not provide reliable information about what someone feels.
Concrete help, fulfillable commitment
If you can help with everyday tasks, name the task: "I can bring the shopping on Thursday. If it comes in handy, write what you need." Adjust the day and the help to what you can commit to.
| What you want to communicate | A possible formulation |
|---|---|
| You express condolences. | "My sincere condolences. I am thinking of you." |
| You would listen. | "If you want to talk, I will gladly listen." |
| You can help with a specific task. | "I can bring the shopping tomorrow, if that helps." |
| You do not expect an immediate reply. | "You don't have to reply to this message now." |
It should be clear from the message what you are offering, and there should remain an opportunity to say no. Do not send urgent questions one after another just because no reply has arrived. Treat your own commitment and the other party's decision separately.
What should you leave out of the text?
Avoid commands that dictate the recipient's feelings or pace: "Don't cry", "Be strong already", "You have to get over this". Acknowledging the loss and offering acceptable presence is sufficient for formulating condolences. Do not set a deadline for when they should feel better.
If you really knew the deceased, a short shared memory can also find a place in the message. Stick to what you remember, and leave room for the other person. It is not necessary to compare their loss with your own losses, or to look for a lesson in what happened.
Before sending, review the names, the designation of the relationship, and the offered help. The article on interpreting heart emojis helps avoid overinterpreting colors; the guide on reactions and responses shows when it is worth writing a precise sentence next to a symbol.
Take the essence with you
Three-question knowledge quiz
Try how you would apply what you read. Mark one answer per question; every correct answer is worth one point. The evaluation provides feedback for these three situations; we do not store or send your answers.
Return to a simple condolence sentence, and only supplement it with acceptable help.
Return to a simple condolence sentence, and only supplement it with acceptable help.
Read the explanation of the wrong answer again, and remove the assumption or the pressure from the template.
In the three templates, you chose restrained and fulfillable formulations; the test examines the sentences, not your empathy.
Solutions and explanations
- "My sincere condolences. I am thinking of you." A short condolence sentence can also express empathy without assuming shared symbol use.
- It should be actually fulfillable, and the recipient should be able to decide. Help is credible when it is assumable and acceptable or rejectable.
- You are not rushing them, and you respect it if they do not respond right now. It is worth maintaining the expressed freedom in your subsequent messages as well.
Count your correct answers: each is worth one point. A skipped answer is worth zero points.
- 3 points: You chose restrained and achievable phrasing in the three patterns; the test examines the sentences, not the quality of your empathy.
- 2 points: Read the explanation of the incorrect answer again, and remove the assumption or the pressure from the pattern.
- 0–1 points: Return to a simple expression of sympathy, and supplement it only with acceptable help.
